my thoughts at the moment are not on china or chinese even though a new semester is right around the corner. rather, they are drifting. i think after i've been in a place for awhile, at a certain point i lose my eye for newness and excitement. everything because part of daily life. seeing babies running around naked on the sidewalk as their mothers sell stolen wares, seeing horse drawn carts parked outside of starbucks selling watermelons, even the fact that there's no drinking age have lost their ability to pique my attention and inspiration. i guess i have a short long-term attention span. not a good diagnosis, but not the worst.

then again, all work and no play? but then again i haven't had school for the past three weeks. all play and no work? but i really don't wanna start working. in fact i want to go in the exact opposite direction as it. but time drags me along in the same direction year after year. is it laziness or fatigue? the two seem indistinguishable in feeling but are all so different in meaning. sometimes i think i misdiagnose my fatigue as laziness and my laziness as fatigue, and thus find my ensuing prescription to be the exact opposite of what i need. put clearly, i sleep when i'm lazy, and work when i'm fatigued.

i can't figure it out. i just wanna take off on a motorcycle.