Classical Chinese

me and one of my (very cute) teachers after ACC's "China Night" presentation on Fri night

Supposedly our curriculum is split into four different classes each semester. We supposedly have a media/news class, modern chinese, and some other stuff, but in reality each day is just another string of four chinese classes all based on the same text. The distinction is there, some weeks we watch movies or TV programs, but in terms of rhythm of life, there is little difference.

However, there is one class that throws adds a little snare to the otherwise onerous drum set that is ACC. Classical Chinese is ridiculous. Every now and then, sometimes once a week sometimes twice, the teachers throw in a little Classical Chinese instead of a third straight class of grammar/vocab practice (read: torture). However, Classical Chinese, while undeniably a departure from monotony, is not quite a departure from the mundane tedium. Yet, I've found nuggets of starlight nestled between the characters of these ancient texts.


The first thing you need to know about Classical Chinese (which I'm going to stop capping henceforth) is that it's another language. Remember reading Shakespeare or perhaps Dante in translation? That was usually tough but understandable with the footnotes right? Classical chinese is like that, but every single word has a footnote, grammar is even more fluid than regualr Chinese, a single character can have one or two pronunciations and multiple meanings, and some characters have no specific meaning whatsoever. And so as I walked into my classical chinese final this morning, how did I prepare? I just memorized it all. We had five texts on the final, and I made a branding iron with out of them and burnt it into my cerebellum or whatever part of the brain neurologists believe short-term memory is located. I say short-term because, unlike skin, branding on seems to be less permanent. As I write this entry moments after my final, I can already see the smoke clearing and the imprints fading.

Anyhow, I memorized the translations (I say translation because classical chinese and modern chinese are exactly that, two different languages albeit they use the same pictographs). But what really helps is understanding the story. Those ancient chinese philosophers... aiya! They were crazy, but oh so funny!

One of the texts is about this guy who is in love (the character used is "ai" which in modern chinese means "to love" but in classical chinese means "to like", I prefer the former) with the monkeys he's raising. He can understand their language, and gives them everything their little hearts desire. But b/c of this he ends up spending all his cash on his little monkey gang, and has to start rationing. But he's scared of the monkeys' reaction. So he tells them, "I'll give you guys three bananas (actually the translation is some kind of acorn, but we all know modern monkeys eat bananas) in the morning, and four bananas at night, is that enough?" And the monkeys, who are lounging in luxury, jump to their feet and start screeching and howling in anger. Then this monkey-lover guy endures for a while and says, "OK,OK, OK. I'll give you FOUR bananas in the morning, and THREE bananas at night, alright?" And the monkeys all settle down, and start lounging again.

Hilarious? Yes. And this little story boils down to a modern day Chinese saying, "Morning Three, Night Four" which is used to describe inconsistency.

The other stories are just as trippy if not more.